


You Can't Have It All

by Tgaret990



Series: The One-Winged Cowboys Diaries [6]
Category: All Elite Wrestling
Genre: And Kenny feels like an absolute failure, Angst, Blood for a split second, Crying, Everything's Fine, Fighting, Fluff will follow!, Hurt/Comfort, It gets better!, It's not all awful I promise!, Kissing, M/M, Post-Fyter Fest Night One, Shoving, Showers, There's a lot going on in Adam's head, They'll be okay... Eventually, Things... Aren't Quite Okay Here, This is... Not a happy one folks, shouting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:21:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25029931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tgaret990/pseuds/Tgaret990
Summary: Post-Fyter Fest Night One.Tensions boil over between Adam and Kenny after the first night of Fyter Fest. Even though their relationship has been happy and healthy, their friendship isn't as stable as they'd thought it was, and old issues rear their ugly heads once again.
Relationships: Kenny Omega/Adam Page
Series: The One-Winged Cowboys Diaries [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761574
Comments: 13
Kudos: 27





	You Can't Have It All

You Can’t Have It All

A/N: Dammit, boys, why are you the literal best at your jobs??? Why do you do this to meee?!?!?! *sobs in shades of New Japan* If you haven’t seen the match from Fyter Fest night 1, or the whole dang show really, WATCH IT. Watch it and come back to this. This is my angsty fangirl soul saying I’M NOT READY FOR THEM TO FEUD AND BREAK UP, OKAY?!

  
  


Adam slammed the door shut behind him, tossing his title and his empty beer bottle across the room with his luggage, narrowly missing Kenny, who leapt out of the way in the middle of the room. They’d headed straight back to the hotel after grabbing their stuff, still very much sweaty, exhausted, in full gear, and incensed at each other.

“Kenny, what the hell, man?!” Adam demanded to know, fuming. “They offer you a beer, they offer you a peace toast, and you’re just gonna pour it out right in front of them?”

“You, as well as everyone else, know that I don’t drink. I was never gonna drink it!” Kenny shot back with a scowl. Adam walked further into their hotel room, across from Kenny now.

“You didn’t have to! You could’ve just hung onto it until we all got backstage and went our separate ways! Are you trying to start shit? We already have enough problems as it is!”

“Oh, enough problems, huh? Like what?” Kenny asked him, getting in his face. “What problems, Adam?”

“What problems?” Adam asked with a slight laugh, voice lowered back down to normal volume, an irked grin on his face. “I don’t know. Maybe the fact that, at the end of the night, I have to watch you stand with the Bucks **again**. After **_everything_ ** we’ve been through you’ll always take their side, won’t you? You think you’re so high and mighty just because y’all don’t drink, huh?!”

“You **know** that’s not—

“What about Matt Hardy, huh?” Adam interrupted, not letting Kenny talk over him for a second. “You team with him a few weeks because I’m gone, then you let him just interrupt our conversations and talk to me like I’m some old buddy of his? You let him into the Elite while I’m not there and don’t say a word about it when I get back?”

“I didn’t—

“And then tonight! I had to bust my ass while you were knocked out at ringside and get the pin for us. **Again**. Where the fuck were you? Why am I the one carrying this team every time we have high stakes matches?!”

“Carrying the team?!” Kenny questioned in outrage, scowl growing deeper by the second.

“It’s one thing after another and I’m fucking tired of it! I’m tired of you not being on my fucking side! I’m tired of feeling like I’m not your first priority! Because it’s them, right? It’s always fucking them!” Adam had gotten back to shouting, shoving Kenny hard. Kenny stumbled over his backpack and banged his head against the bed frame on his way down. His vision blacked out briefly as he yelped in pain, clutching at the back of his head. Adam looked torn between running to help him up and storming out of the room from frustration, but Kenny gritted his teeth and got back to his feet, shoving Adam in return before he could make up his mind. Adam hit the corner of the wall behind him hard, wincing and holding his back as pain shot through his body, glaring.

“Not my first priority?! You think you’re not my first priority? You stupid son of a bitch, you’re my **only** priority!”

“Bullshit!”

“It’s not!”

“You know **damn well** —

“NO! No, you listen to me!” Adam wasn’t hearing it, headbutting Kenny as he came near. Kenny swore, holding his nose as he stumbled back, growling as he punched Adam and took him down to the ground, jiu jitsu muscle memory kicking in. Adam struggled in his grip, Kenny desperately trying not to hurt him as he thrashed, Adam’s right arm bent in a not so nice way. “Stop!”

“Like hell!” Adam managed to grab Kenny’s hair, yanking **hard** and wrenching Kenny’s injured neck back. Kenny let go immediately, grabbing his neck and rolling away. Adam braced himself against the wall, trying to catch his breath as Kenny got to his feet, blood dripping from his nose and running down his face. Adam ran a frantic hand through his hair, expression a mix of worry, anger, and guilt. “I don’t want to hear another word,” he breathed sadly.

“Please, Adam, just listen to me!” Kenny begged, attempting to cup his face, expression hurting, concerned, devastated. Adam slapped his hands away, but Kenny latched onto his wrists, feeling a brief pang of agony in his heart when he remembered lovingly holding Adam’s wrists after he got the pinfall earlier. Adam tried to wrench his hands back, but Kenny held on tightly, pressing Adam against the wall and slamming his wrists above his head, panting. Neither he nor Adam moved for a few moments, until Kenny slowly leaned forward, forehead resting gently against Adam’s. “Please,” he whispered desperately, a sob catching in his throat. Adam let out a shaky breath.

“Kenny…” They both felt the anger and tension slowly leave their bodies, exhaustion and soreness taking over in their place. Kenny let go of Adam’s wrists, finally able to cup Adam’s face, but Adam gripped his curls gently, tugging gently on them so that Kenny would move his head back. He wiped some of the blood from Kenny’s face, carefully cradling his head afterwards, breath catching as Kenny winced at his touch. Kenny caught his horrified look.

“I’m okay,” he assured him with a grimace. “Ow…”

“I shoved you… I hit you…”

“I did the same to you,” Kenny replied, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath. He met Adam’s gaze before he spoke. “Adam, I know things haven’t been perfect. I know that a lot’s been going on, but… You could never **not** be my first priority.” Adam let his fingers play with Kenny’s hair, biting his lower lip for a moment as he listened. “I care about the titles. I care about the Bucks, and the Elite, and Matt, and everything else. They matter to me. But they don’t matter to me as much as you do, dammit, and I’m not going to let you stand there and say that they do! I **know** I don’t act like it sometimes. I **know** that I should’ve handled things better in the past. I **know** I should be better than I am… At being there for you when you need me, in the ring and out of it… And I’m not. And I’m sorry,” he whispered brokenly. “I’m sorry I keep failing you over and over again. I’m sorry that things like this keep happening. I’m sorry that all I can fucking say is sorry because I don’t know what else to say…”

Kenny felt tears stream down his face, groaning at himself and furiously wiping at his eyes. He took another deep breath.

“You’re one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I love you **so**. **Damn**. **Much**.” He gave a sad chuckle. “God, it hasn’t even been two months and we’re already at each other’s throats,” he realized, Adam letting out a short, sad laugh as well. “My point is… You… Are the most important thing in my life. I don’t… I don’t want to fight, but I know we’re… I know we’re not exactly okay, right now.” Adam shook his head.

“We’re not,” he agreed. “I just…” Adam hid his face in his hands, slumping against the wall. “I shouldn’t… I don’t…” He growled, frustrated at how much trouble he was having expressing his thoughts, looking up again. “I hate that… I’m so scared… That you’ll leave me,” he finally whispered, Kenny feeling his heart ache as Adam continued. “I’m the one who tried to leave in the first place, so if anyone should feel that way, it’s you. And yet…” He sighed. “Here I am.”

“I’m not—

“If you had to choose. If you **had** to choose between me or the Bucks, who would you pick? If you had to choose **right now** …” Kenny didn’t answer right away, and Adam gave a short, harsh laugh. “Exactly,” he told him, watching Kenny’s hands grip tightly at his curls, unable to meet Adam’s gaze. “Maybe I’m just being selfish… Maybe I’m just… So fucked up in the head that I thought I mattered, but… I just wish…” Adam choked back a sob so he could finish his sentence, almost getting all the way through it. “I just wish there would come a day where your answer is me…” His voice cracked on the last word, a sob tearing from his throat as he slid down the wall. Kenny felt his knees give way, joining Adam on the floor, arms barely keeping him from crumpling completely, tears silently streaming down his face still. “I just want you to choose me!” Adam cried, drawing his legs closer to himself and hiding his face in his knees.

“I can’t,” Kenny whispered hopelessly, eyes fixed on his bloody hand. “I can’t choose. I can’t… I can’t watch the Elite tear itself into pieces again. I **_can’t_**.” This felt… “When the Bucks left me…” Just like… “And you and Cody…” New Japan. “I felt so… **So alone**.” Adam peeked out from his knees to look at Kenny, the hurt in his voice, the agony of reliving… Back then… Too much. “I thought I’d lost everything… And I was so sure… That that was it. That was where we all went our separate ways for good…” He looked up to meet Adam’s eyes again. “I can’t go through that again, Adam. I **_won’t_**.” Adam swallowed, taking in a shaky breath.

“You can’t have it all, Kenny,” he told him, defeated. “I… I don’t want to see us all… Against each other again either… But you can’t…” Adam shook his head. “You can’t have it all. There’s no way.”

“I’m going to fight my damn hardest to find a way,” Kenny told him, more determined and resolute than he’d ever seen him.

“And you’ll probably kill yourself trying! We’ve all seen you, ever since AEW started. When you and the Bucks were fighting, it was killing you. When me and the Bucks were fighting, it was killing you then. Now we’re here…” He crawled over to Kenny, slowly and hesitantly taking Kenny’s hands in his, both of them facing each other, Kenny staring down at their intertwined fingers. “And this is killing you too.” Kenny squeezed Adam’s hands gently in response. “There isn’t a happy, fairytale ending to **any** of this. Something’s gonna happen, and it’s gonna be the last straw for one of us… And that’ll be it.”

“I won’t let it happen,” Kenny insisted.

“You keep saying that.”

“Because I won’t,” Kenny declared, drawing and holding Adam’s unsure and hurting gaze, fire in his eyes. “Please… _Please trust me.”_

“I…” Adam watched Kenny’s gaze soften, his gentle and concerned lover staring back at him. “I want to. I do. But…”

“Then trust… Trust how I feel about you… Trust how you feel about me. That’s all I ask,” Kenny whispered. Adam took a moment to just… **_Feel_**. All the hurt, the anger, the fear… The **_love_** … He leaned forward without thinking, pressing his lips against Kenny’s and feeling the storm of emotions in his heart calm as Kenny responded, their lips moving slowly against each other, their arms wrapping around each other, holding each other up, holding each other together.

“I’m sorry,” Adam gasped out when they finally broke apart to breathe. “For… So much. For earlier, for back then, for this entire time where I’ve fucked up too and never… Never said a thing about any of it.” Kenny chuckled softly.

“We’re both a mess, aren’t we?” Adam chuckled with him.

“For sure.” Kenny leaned in for another kiss, groaning as Adam deepened it with a slight tilt of his head, firmly gripping Adam’s shoulders to steady himself before they pulled back again. “How’s your neck?”

“Sore,” Kenny answered, slowly rolling it and wincing. “What about your back?”

“Sore,” Adam answered similarly with a small smile. “I need… So many showers…” He pitifully reached out in the direction of the bathroom. “But the shower’s really far.” Kenny scoffed, grinning as he threw one of Adam’s arms over his shoulder and slowly brought them both back up to their feet. “I can walk!” Adam protested.

“I know,” Kenny replied. “C’mon, cowboy.” Kenny managed to get them into the bathroom, leaning them against the sink and quietly shutting the door behind them.

Kenny started up the water as they stripped out of their gear, grabbing their things from the sink and following Adam into the shower. They ended up kissing in between gently cleaning the other and washing each other’s hair under the warm spray, eventually finding themselves in each other’s arms in bed, laying on their sides. Adam’s hands were back in Kenny’s slowly drying curls while Kenny’s arm’s held him close, their kisses lingering, deep, healing. Adam stopped a hair's breadth away from Kenny’s lips after the last kiss, letting out a shuddery breath. Kenny hummed in question, eyes fluttering open, Adam’s following suit.

“We need to talk… About a lot. Tomorrow, the next day, whenever… But we need to.”

“We do,” Kenny agreed. “Just…”

“Not tonight,” Adam finished. Kenny nodded with a slight smile.

“Yeah.” He pulled the covers up over them a bit more, pressing his forehead gently against Adam’s once again, and Adam couldn’t help the way his heart melted at that. They listened to each other’s calm and steady breaths, finally drifting off to sleep together, hoping that was the last physical fight they had for a very long time.

  
  


Closing A/N: So… There was kind of fluff at the end? But I promised someone a VERY fluffy, sweet piece to follow this, and my heart needs it too. I’ll try to have that up soon as well. Maybe I’ll write it while I wait for the New Japan Cup to start? XD I’m sorry if this became a bit of a mess, by the way! My heart got a bit carried away…


End file.
